What Is Identity Work? Why So Many Women Feel Lost (and How to Recalibrate)
If you’ve been feeling lost, disconnected, or like your life looks fine but doesn’t feel like yours, this guide will help you understand what identity work really is and how to begin reconnecting with yourself.
Not Lost, You’re Recalibrating
I saw something on Instagram once.
A woman said she always felt lost.
She tried routines, goals, endless personal development…
But it wasn’t until she paused, really paused, that she realised:
Her inner compass had been bent.
Somewhere along the way, she’d stopped following her own true north… and started chasing everyone else’s.
No matter what she achieved, it never felt like hers.
And I remember thinking:
God. Same.
If you’ve ever felt like your life should be working…
But something still feels off, like you should be celebrating, but it all falls flat?
The chances are, you’re following someone else’s version of success.
(Trust me, it’s easy to do in a world full of conditioning, comparison, and content telling you who to be.)
That’s not failure.
It’s just a sign.
It’s time to recalibrate.
In this post, you’ll explore:
What identity work actually is (no fluff, no buzzwords)
Why so many women feel lost even when things “look fine”
What happens when your nervous system and self-concept don’t match
How burnout, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment shape your identity
What the identity shift actually looks like (and how to trust it)
How to start reconnecting with yourself, softly, slowly, for real
Let’s Start With the Lie: You Have to “Find Yourself”
You were told that if you just read enough books, built the right morning routine, or manifested hard enough, you’d become the woman you’re meant to be.
But here’s the truth:
You don’t find your identity.
And you sure as hell don’t force her through habit trackers and to-do lists.
You remember her.
You unearth her.
You reclaim her, from underneath all the noise that taught you to be everything but yourself.
So… What Is Identity Work?
It’s not about reinventing yourself from scratch.
It’s about peeling back the layers of conditioning, survival, and performance…
until you hear you again.
The version of you that existed before the world told you who to be
Before people-pleasing became your baseline
Before your nervous system equated safety with self-abandonment
Identity work is the quiet rebellion of asking:
“What parts of me have I hid just to be acceptable?”
And then having the audacity to bring them back to life.
What It Feels Like When Your Identity Begins to Shift
This isn’t an aesthetic glow-up.
This is a nervous-system-deep recalibration. A slow “coming home.”
(There’s the nervous system again, Learn about it here)
When your identity begins to shift:
You stop abandoning yourself in rooms where you don’t feel seen
You start hearing your no, and trusting it
You stop explaining your enoughness to people who won’t get it
You move slower… but with more precision
You no longer perform worthiness, you embody it
It’s subtle at first. Then it becomes undeniable.
And for me?
It unlocked a desire for intuition, self trust and a reclamation of my own fucking power.
Why So Many Women Feel Lost (Even When Life Looks Good)
Because we were raised to shapeshift.
To be polite instead of honest.
Grateful instead of grounded.
Soft when we wanted to roar.
If you were raised on gold stars, survival mode, or hyper-independence…
You’ve likely built an identity around being liked, useful, productive, or “good.”
But your authentic self? She doesn’t play by those rules.
That ache in your chest when you say yes but mean no?
That fog when you try to make a decision but can’t feel what you want?
That isn’t a flaw.
It’s a flag.
Your nervous system saying:
“This version of me isn’t mine anymore.”
This Is the Part Most Women Skip
They try to change their lives… without ever checking in with the version of themselves who’s living it.
They add the habits, the routines, the vision boards…
But never stop to ask:
“Do I even want this life I’m building?”
If you’re chasing someone else’s dream, no mindset hack will make it feel like freedom.
That’s why identity work matters.
You stop trying to make the wrong life feel right and start building one that fits you.
So How Do You Begin Reconnecting With Yourself?
Not by changing everything overnight.
Not by throwing your life out and starting from scratch.
But by listening, gently, for the version of you that’s always been there, waiting.
Try this:
Notice what lights you up, even if it’s small
→ The coffee you sip slower. The playlist you always return to. The version of you who dances in the kitchen.
Stop outsourcing clarity
→ What do you want? Not what’s trending. Not what she’s doing. What feels good in your body?
Do you really want to be a Pilates princess because it lights you up… or just because HIIT feels “too 2011” and Pilates is trending right now?
Ask yourself daily: “Is this mine?”
→ This goal, this plan, this version of “success.” Did you choose it… or was it handed to you?
This isn’t a checklist. It’s a devotion.
To self-intimacy.
To resonance.
To remembering who the fuck you are.
Social media has done a lot of things over the years, but slowly, we’ve watched society melt into a single blueprint.
Everyone scrambling to be her… chasing what she wants… without stopping to ask:
Do I even want this?
Don’t get me wrong, content can be a beautiful place for education, inspiration, and exploration.
But just because I love low-intensity movement, blogging, living mostly offline, and reading spicey novels with a cocktail in hand doesn’t mean you do.
So let me ask you something…
What do you actually crave?
What turns you on? Not her.
Ready to Start Reclaiming You?
This is where it gets fun.
Because I can guarantee two things:
You feel the itch, that unsettled tingle under your bones, the quiet ache for different.
You probably have no fucking clue where to start… because you’ve never done this before.
You’ve got two options:
You can try it all, spiral down the YouTube rabbit holes, download every podcast, journal yourself in circles, and DIY your rebirth…
Or you can shortcut the chaos.
As a self-proclaimed reinvention addict (seriously, I level up every few years and build a whole new vision for my life, it’s just who I am), I’ve gathered a wealth of research, tools, and Virgo-approved hacks that actually work.
So if you’re leaning toward option two?
Smart choice. Why struggle when you don’t have to?
I bring you…
The Overflow Blueprint: Building the Life That Turns You On
A Notion-based identity reinvention system built to help you:
Get clear on who you are outside of survival, roles, and external approval
Rewire your self-concept with rituals that feel safe, doable, and actually enjoyable
Build a daily rhythm that turns you on, not just keeps you busy
Inside, you'll find tools that help you regulate your nervous system, reconnect with your truth, and reclaim your energy… without needing to burn it all down first.
This isn’t just an identity handbook.
It’s a whole-life reinvention system.
Everything you need to unlock you.
This isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about coming home.
Explore The Overflow Blueprint here
You’re Not Lost. You’re Recalibrating.
The woman you want to be?
She’s not far away.
She’s already in you, underneath the noise, the pressure, the roles you’ve been performing.
And every time you choose softness over speed…
Devotion over discipline…
Truth over performance…
You get closer.
Identity work isn’t a destination.
It’s the daily decision to be fully, finally, you.
Let’s build your life from that.
Read Next - The Art of Becoming Her or Learn how to play to win
