Why you Keep Putting Everyone Else First (And How to Finally Stop)
If you keep putting everyone else first and tying your worth to approval, this will help you understand why and how to finally stop abandoning yourself.
A Self-Worth Reclamation for Women Who’ve Been Told They’re “Too Much” Their Whole Lives
You Don’t Need to Be More Confident. You Just Need to Stop Abandoning Yourself
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling small…
If you’ve ever said “yes” when your whole body was screaming “no”...
If your worth feels like it’s hanging on the next compliment, next “like,” next text back…
This is for you.
Because you don’t struggle with self-worth because you’re broken.
You struggle with it because the world taught you that your value lives in being needed, wanted, liked chosen.
But the bold truth?
You’ve been putting everyone else first as a survival strategy. Not a personality trait.
And the moment you see that, really see that, you get to choose something new.
In this post, you’ll explore:
The real definition of self-worth (without the buzzwords)
Why external validation keeps you stuck (and how to stop seeking it)
How to build confidence and self-worth from devotion, not hustle
Whether self-esteem can be improved (hint: yes, and here’s how)
A grounded next step if you're craving a self-concept reset
What Is Self-Worth? (Real Talk, No Buzzwords)
Definition of self worth
Most definitions will tell you self-worth is how much you value yourself.
But that’s vague AF.
Here’s what it actually looks like in real life:
Holding a boundary even when your voice shakes.
Not texting them just to “check in” when you feel the pull of loneliness.
Saying no. Resting. Not explaining.
Putting yourself first no matter the external impact (or at least taking a second to weigh this the fuck up)
Self-worth is not how you feel about yourself.
It’s how you treat yourself.
Even on your bad days.
Even when you don’t feel “worthy.”
Because that’s what devotion looks like.
Self worth is NOT self love dressed up in self care.
How We Trade Worth for External Validation
Here’s the kicker: most of us know we’re doing this.
We know we’re refreshing Instagram for the dopamine hit. We know we’re playing it cool to seem “low-maintenance.” We know we’re over-giving just to feel needed.
But we still do it. Why?
Because seeking external validation gives us a hit of safety.
It tells our nervous system:
“You’re good. You’re accepted. You’re safe.”
The problem?
It’s a hit that doesn’t last. And it teaches your body:
“You’re only safe when you’re being approved of.”
That’s how we stay stuck in self-abandonment.
Not because we’re weak.
Because we’ve wired validation into our survival.
Hello again nervous system, nice to see you here. (IYKYK)
You Don’t Need More Confidence, You Need Devotion
Here’s the truth that most “glow-up” content misses:
Confidence doesn’t come from pretending you’re perfect.
It comes from devotion to yourself, even when you're a mess.
Even when you’re spiralling. Even when you missed a deadline, flaked on a friend, or sent the text you said you wouldn’t.
It’s in those moments you get to practice your worth.
Not as a concept. As a choice.
To speak up even when you’re shaky.
To take up space without apology.
To soothe yourself instead of searching for someone else to do it.
Discipline is about control. Devotion is about connection.
Discipline says “Do it or else.”
Devotion says “I love myself enough to keep showing up, gently
Confidence isn’t something you perform. Something you force.
It’s something you build.
Most woman are not born with confidence … no matter what they want you to believe.
They build it slowly, surely one step at a time every time they back themselves.
Even if they fail they know they tried and they get the fuck back up. Because they know they can do it and they are worth it.
I need this to sink in so Ima say it nice and big here.
Confidence comes from within not from external validation.
So, Can Self-Esteem Be Improved?
Yes. Absolutely.
But it doesn’t improve through affirmations taped to your mirror or a new 5am routine.
It improves when you:
Stop outsourcing your worth to other people’s reactions.
Start treating your needs like they matter.
Build a relationship with yourself that’s based on truth, not performance.
Self-esteem isn’t a finish line. It’s a muscle.
And the more you choose yourself, even in small, unglamorous moments, the stronger it gets.
You wouldn’t not show up to a friend so why do we so often cancel on ourselves?
Before You Abandon Yourself Again…
If you’re nodding along thinking, “God, this is me,” I want to invite you into something that changed everything for me:
The Overflow Blueprint: Building a Life That Turns You On
It’s my personal Notion-based built to help me (and now you):
Rewire the people-pleasing patterns that erode self-worth
Regulate your nervous system when guilt creeps in
Rebuild your identity from inner devotion, not external validation so you back yourself the whole way.
Plus SO much more… this is my whole life reinvention handbook that made me the woman I am today.
If you’re done living a life that looks good but doesn’t feel like you?
This is for you.
Your Worth ≠ Their Opinion
You don’t need to be less “sensitive.”
You don’t need to harden up.
You just need to come home to the truth:
You were never too much. You were just around people who didn’t know how to hold you.
I need to leave you with a little fact here…
Other people’s their opinions are not fact, external validation is not fact. All you’re learning? Is how they process information.
Nothing about you.
And the more you hold yourself, fiercely, fully, without conditions, the less you need anyone else to.
That’s what the woman you’re becoming knows.
And she’s already inside you.
Let’s bring her home.
If you loved this you’ll also love:
Boundaries: If You Wouldn’t Let a Friend Treat You Like This… Why is it how you treat you?
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